Well, this is my first blog ever so I hope it doesn't turn out too bad. Here goes...
I'm currently living just outside a small mountain town in Colorado. God led me here almost two years ago. It has been quite a ride so far. Moving away from family and friends and everything familiar was not typical of me. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into and what all God had in store for my life. I still don't. He has taught me so much about trusting in Him there's no way I'm going to go into all of the details. The work continues, praise the Lord! He hasn't given up on me yet, and He won't.
I've had more dramatic change in my life in the past 3 years than I can ever really remember happening to me. Graduating college, getting a job, quiting that job, coming out to CO (just for the summer), moving to CO, making the transition from living in MS to living in CO, becoming more heavily involved in the community here at Redcloud, having some precious people seemingly taken away from me, almost constant change.
Sometimes I feel like I get to the point where I say to God, "I don't know how to handle this. I CAN'T handle this anymore. Help me, Father!" And you know what, He hasn't failed me yet. Lately, I feel like God's been teaching me so much about trusing and resting in Him and believing that He is EXACTLY who He says He is. I find these questions coming to my mind: "Has God ever let me down before? Has God ever NOT been faithful? Has He ever NOT come through on His promises?" Of course not!
Why then do I have such a hard time trusting my Father? Did He not create me and the world that I live in? Of course He did! Why then, do I convince myself that He is not able to "handle" my problems in life? I find myself one minute saying, "Okay, God. I give this situation to You." And then then next minute I'm seemingly snatching it right back and clinging to it ever so tightly as if I can do a better job of things. How foolish! When I am fearful or stressed or anxious about things, I'm realizing that I'm not fulling trusting my Father. If I'm truly trusting and abiding in Him, then I will be at rest in His loving arms. I will be a peace in His presence. It is then that I can see clearly and not let the distractions of this world hold me down. It is then when I'm at my weakest, after He has humbled me yet again, that He picks me up and carries me.
I'm so easily distracted! So much of the time I feel like God's dumbest child. "I messed up again, Lord. Yep, that lesson that You've been trying to teach me for the last 8 years, still haven't fully learned it!" I love it when He reminds me of His unending unfailing love for me. He is slow to anger and rich in mercy. The truth is that I deserve one thing in this life: DEATH. Yet, He gave me eternal life. If that's not humbling, then I don't know what is. It's such a great reminder for me when I feel like I have all these rights in life. The world is constantly shoving those ideas down our throats about the rights we have to everything in this life. They're all lies from the Enemy. I must then choose to renew my mind, focus on Him and worship.
So God's definitely teaching me lots. Trusting in Him is only one of the lessons, but it is quite a big one. It is one that will continue to come up again and again I'm sure as life progresses. Sometimes I think that after all these years of being a Believer I should be "farther along" by now. God continues to reveal Himself to me in new ways. He can just absolutely blow my mind! He is far bigger that we can ever truly grasp in our tiny human minds.
As I look back on the past year, many things are on my mind: Friends that have come and gone. The changing of so many relationships. Stuggles. The fear of change. Uncertainty. God's hand in ALL of it.
I'm asking myself these questions as I look ahead to the year before me: Where will I be 10 months from now? Here? Somewhere else? Will I still be single? Where will I be living? WHO will still be at Redcloud? What am I REALLY doing with my life?
I may worry and fret, but God isn't. He's got it all under control. I need not spend one second of my life doubting His faithfulness through it all. It's all going to be alright.
Above all, may my life may be a fragrant offering to the ONE who gave me life, His life. May all glory be to Him. That's what life's all about: Bringing Him glory. It's not about me, no matter how much I want to believe that sometimes. I think we all know, deep down inside that life's about more than the external, more than today, more than what's right in front of us. We all have that feeling that we're just a speck in this universe. The amazing thing is that God loves us and actually pursues us. He doesn't NEED us, but He WANTS us. He desires a relationship with us. Wow...let's just think about that for now.
I'm currently living just outside a small mountain town in Colorado. God led me here almost two years ago. It has been quite a ride so far. Moving away from family and friends and everything familiar was not typical of me. I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into and what all God had in store for my life. I still don't. He has taught me so much about trusting in Him there's no way I'm going to go into all of the details. The work continues, praise the Lord! He hasn't given up on me yet, and He won't.
I've had more dramatic change in my life in the past 3 years than I can ever really remember happening to me. Graduating college, getting a job, quiting that job, coming out to CO (just for the summer), moving to CO, making the transition from living in MS to living in CO, becoming more heavily involved in the community here at Redcloud, having some precious people seemingly taken away from me, almost constant change.
Sometimes I feel like I get to the point where I say to God, "I don't know how to handle this. I CAN'T handle this anymore. Help me, Father!" And you know what, He hasn't failed me yet. Lately, I feel like God's been teaching me so much about trusing and resting in Him and believing that He is EXACTLY who He says He is. I find these questions coming to my mind: "Has God ever let me down before? Has God ever NOT been faithful? Has He ever NOT come through on His promises?" Of course not!
Why then do I have such a hard time trusting my Father? Did He not create me and the world that I live in? Of course He did! Why then, do I convince myself that He is not able to "handle" my problems in life? I find myself one minute saying, "Okay, God. I give this situation to You." And then then next minute I'm seemingly snatching it right back and clinging to it ever so tightly as if I can do a better job of things. How foolish! When I am fearful or stressed or anxious about things, I'm realizing that I'm not fulling trusting my Father. If I'm truly trusting and abiding in Him, then I will be at rest in His loving arms. I will be a peace in His presence. It is then that I can see clearly and not let the distractions of this world hold me down. It is then when I'm at my weakest, after He has humbled me yet again, that He picks me up and carries me.
I'm so easily distracted! So much of the time I feel like God's dumbest child. "I messed up again, Lord. Yep, that lesson that You've been trying to teach me for the last 8 years, still haven't fully learned it!" I love it when He reminds me of His unending unfailing love for me. He is slow to anger and rich in mercy. The truth is that I deserve one thing in this life: DEATH. Yet, He gave me eternal life. If that's not humbling, then I don't know what is. It's such a great reminder for me when I feel like I have all these rights in life. The world is constantly shoving those ideas down our throats about the rights we have to everything in this life. They're all lies from the Enemy. I must then choose to renew my mind, focus on Him and worship.
So God's definitely teaching me lots. Trusting in Him is only one of the lessons, but it is quite a big one. It is one that will continue to come up again and again I'm sure as life progresses. Sometimes I think that after all these years of being a Believer I should be "farther along" by now. God continues to reveal Himself to me in new ways. He can just absolutely blow my mind! He is far bigger that we can ever truly grasp in our tiny human minds.
As I look back on the past year, many things are on my mind: Friends that have come and gone. The changing of so many relationships. Stuggles. The fear of change. Uncertainty. God's hand in ALL of it.
I'm asking myself these questions as I look ahead to the year before me: Where will I be 10 months from now? Here? Somewhere else? Will I still be single? Where will I be living? WHO will still be at Redcloud? What am I REALLY doing with my life?
I may worry and fret, but God isn't. He's got it all under control. I need not spend one second of my life doubting His faithfulness through it all. It's all going to be alright.
Above all, may my life may be a fragrant offering to the ONE who gave me life, His life. May all glory be to Him. That's what life's all about: Bringing Him glory. It's not about me, no matter how much I want to believe that sometimes. I think we all know, deep down inside that life's about more than the external, more than today, more than what's right in front of us. We all have that feeling that we're just a speck in this universe. The amazing thing is that God loves us and actually pursues us. He doesn't NEED us, but He WANTS us. He desires a relationship with us. Wow...let's just think about that for now.
"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be FILLED to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:17b-19 NIV)
Very well written and I can relate to all of it and just think I'm 53 and still falling and getting up. God is always faithful and I may not know about tomorrow but I know who holds it. I am so proud of you and your growth in the Lord. It blesses me so much you will never know. I love you and pray for you daily.
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